THE MAMMY A SYMBOL OF THE COONIE AWARD
Monday, December 27, 2010
What are the Coonies you ask?
Coon Of The Year..And the nominees are...
Glenn Beck
A carnival barker that with a microphone.
Sarah Palin
She is more than qualified for this nomination. Probably the only time that will ever be written about her.
Tiger Woods
A 100 million dollar settlement with his wife after a stint in sex rehab, that press conference that looked like a cold open to Saturday Night Live sketch and the total eradication of his Golf Game! At least with this nomination Tiger is could win something this year.
Charlie Sheen
Somewhere Charlie Sheen is holding onto Emilio Estevez asking him, "am I a Good Father?"
T.I.
Clifford Harris A.K.A. T.I. might have had the worst year ever! Unexplainably tapped as an "it" boy by the power brokers from Hollywood, T.I couldn't wait more than a minute before he went back to jail by violating his parole with drugs in his system. Codeine and weed no less, A coon combination. T.I.'s mistake was so stupid that even the most militant militant wouldn't defend him. To make matters worse, he saved someone from an apparent suicide that coincidentally took place right before his parole hearing. Reports say that T.I. was crying when he was sentenced to 11 more months in the bing.
Mel Gibson
Just when you thought Mel Gibson being an unrepentant Anti - Semite was the worst thing that he could be known for, turns out we were wrong. He also happens to be a wife beater, someone that leaves threatening voicemails and a bit of a racist. Even Tiger Woods thought his voicemails were irresponsible.
Male Coon Of The Year... and the nominees are...
Ben Roethlisberger
Big Ben was so blatant in his misogyny that even the color of his skin couldn't save him. Come on Ben didn't your dad teach you not to treat women like an NFL Defensive Line? You can't run right through them!
Jesse James
Dude? Only the coonery of tattoo, motorbike and Nazi enthusiast Jesse James could make a year in which his ex - wife Sandra Bullock won an Academy Award her worst year ever!
Charlie Sheen
Kanye West
Mr. Amber Rose released a movie that was worse than Battlefield Earth?
Alvin Greene
Someone white, evil and who has direct links to the birth of The Klan was responsible for the creation of this man! In an earlier time, Alvin Green wouldn't even have been qualified to be a slave, let alone a Senator. But today, he is more than well - qualified to be a nominee for Male Coon of the Year.
Antoine Dodson
Seriously, isn't his picture in the dictionary under the word coon? If Antoine Dodson didn't exist a racist cartoonist would have created him!
Female Coon Of The Year... And the nominees are
Montana Fishburne
Hands down the front - runner for this award. A porn tape - not a sex tape but a full fledged porn movie was made by this daughter of Black Hollywood royalty. Morpheus' daughter showed her ass in 2010. Literally. And it had pimples all over it. How screwed up does one have to be to make Kat Stacks seem regular?
Christine O'Donnell
Not a witch but most definitely a coon.
Fantasia
Seriously? A homewrecker? An illiterate? An easy hook up? Is she trying to be a superstar singer or the world's most famous chicken - head? We want to root for you but you keep telling us not to.
Ginny Thomas
Talk about opening up a can of 18 year old worms? I amost forgot about the trophy wife of the most powerful Judicial sell - out in American History until she went and left a Mel Gibson-ish voicemail on Anita Hill's answering machine. And to make matters worse she is a member of the tea party. Clarence do us a favor and pretend to be a strong black man for once in your life.
Lindsey Lohan
Do you know what you get when you add a chronic cocaine problem with experimentation in lesbianism, the selection of bad scripts and a love of going out and getting wasted? A wasted career and a nomination for the Acoonemy Awards.
Kat Stacks
If there was ever a whore tailor - made for the Digital era it would be Kat Stacks. She screwed more rappers than record executives. I am seriously surprised that she is still alive.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Rapper Coon Of The Year...And the nominees are...
Souljaboytellem
Dude I don't care young you are Dre, you old enough to know better than screwign Kat Stacks.
Kanye West
Lil WayneHe made more than the warden the nine months he was in jail.
Antoine Dodson
Waka Flocka
Sports Coon Of The Year... And the nominees are...
Tiger Woods
Ben Roethlisberger
Lebron James
The Worst Decision he made was The Decision.
Brett Farve
Phone Cockshots. Fake Retirements. Wrangler commercials! And those were the positive things that happened for him in 2010.
Gilbert Arenas
This guy is so screwed up his therapist needs a therapist.
Reggie Bush
A bad year for Reggie. He lost everything. His Heisman, his girlfriend and his season due to injury. Well everything that is except his dignity. He lost that when he first started dating Kim Kardashian.
Political Coon Of The Year... And the nominees are...
Charles Rangel
Quite frankly he's nominated for not not being guilty enough. After 40 years in office and Rangel couldn't even steal enough to afford a lawyer? Next time Chuck if you are going to half - way steal, do it right. Go all the way.
Jimmy McMillan
Saying the rent is too damn high is one thing, but having mutton chops, a coon dress code and a wardrobe out of welfare Old Navy is just coonish to the tenth degree. The Rent may be too damn high but Jimmy, you are too damn much of a coon. And repeat.
Carl Paladino
This guy had a good chance to become Governor of New York until he opened his mouth. Hating on Gays and threatening reporters isn't a good way to win a campaign. Great way to become a Fox News analyst but not Governor. He was so coonish that even the New York Post didn't endorse him.
Juan Williams
When you have a Puerto Rican fist name and a Black last name it's easy to see why you would get confused about your opinions. But Juan Williams feeling uncomfortable around Arabs in an airport? But relaxed when sitting next to Bill O'Reilly or William Kristol? Who would have ever thought that the guy that wrote Eyes On The Prize would be nominated for an Acoonemy Award?
The Tea Party
They are the 21 century of The Klan. Period!
Racist Coon Award...And the nominees are...
Glenn Beck
What can be more racist than putting on a rally on the National Mall with a sea of white people objecting to the policies of the first Black President? Oh yeah, that's right, doing it on the anniversary of Martin Luther King's, "I have a Dream Speech."
Rush Limbaugh
A drug addict that relies on racism to get his ratings numbers up. When will America realize that he is playing a game on them. He had Elton John perform at his wedding. How conservative can he be?
Andrew Breitbart -
He is every negative stereotype that a blogger can be; dangerously subjective, misinformed and agenda driven. He is why access to the internet for all was a bad idea.
Ginny Thomas
Dr. Laura
If my Doctor used the N-word like that I would call my health insurance provider and find a new one. Her use of the N- word was inappropriate, out of context and inexcusable. Who did she think she was, a young rapper?
Terry JonesThis guy not only puts the crack in cracker but he also puts the crack in crack cocaine.
Sellout Coon Of The Year..And the nominees are...
Juan Williams
Steven Tyler
How do you go from lead singer of the greatest American Rock Band to a judge on a hack talent show? You sellout that's how!
Antoine Dodson
The Beatles
It's nice how even the most principled of groups stand for something until the money is right. Sir Paul and Ringo Starr just got tired of counting their old money.
Michael Steele
When will he realize that the Republicans don't want him to lead the party? That he is and was a token pick? Steele is like the dude who doesn't get the hint that his girlfriend doesn't want a relationship even after she starts introducing the idea of "threesomes". Where's Dap when you need him? Wake Up Homie!
Tyler Perry
Selling out since he first put on a dress and a wig, "Winston Jerome's" worst offense has not been the cookie cutter movies that seem to never change but the sitcoms that run on TBS. House of Payne and Meet The Browns could only be worse if...well, it really couldn't get any worse.
Daughter Coon Of The Year...And the nominees are...
Any Kardashian
Pick one - they are all disgraces!
Liz Cheney
Talk about a reverse oedipal complex. This "woman" serves as an attack dog for her father, the uncharged War Criminal Dick Cheney. She's also a patsy mouthpiece for The Republican Party. She is the worst kind pornography. The political kind!
Montana Fishburne
Caroline Guiliani
It just goes to show that Karma is real. Shoplifting from Sephora? Really? You didn't have the money? Dad has given all of it to Judith and her daughter? Wow! If you really want to get your father's attention you should contact this guy named Bryan Pumper. He really can get you on the radar.
Bristol Palin
The only person in the history of Dancing With the stars to gain weight. An advocate for safe sex but wants to give her partner dry humps on live television. Her mother did her a disservice by putting the spotlight on her.
Talk Show Host Coon Of The Year..And the nominees are...
Andy Cohen - Watch What Happens Live
By being himself, Andy Cohen has done more to disparage women and gays than a Lil Wayne record. Total jerk! Period!
Wendy Williams
Why do people watch her? She knows nothing! What's interesting about a woman that looks like a Black Joan Rivers female impersonator?
Bill O'Reilly
The only difference between O'Reilly and Andy Cohen is that O'reilly is straight and Andy Cohen's grasp of politics is way better!
Rush Limbaugh
Glenn Beck
Internet Coon Of The Year... And the nominees are...
The people there just press "post" or "send" and may try and get the story right later.
Harvey Levin - TMZ
Levin will ruin your life just for an increase in unique visitors and page views. Don't let the nice guy persona fool you, he is easily a horrible person.
Perez Hilton - PEREZHILTON.COM
His website is so bad that there is talk of making anyone that kicks his ass exempt from any type of hate crime legislation.
Andrew Breitbart - Breitbart.com/Biggovernment.com
Mark Zuckerberg
Person Of The Year? Really? For the guy that has single - handedly destroyed privacy and undermined millions of relationhips? What's next, a humanitarian award for the creators of Cointelpro?
World Star Hip Hop
Nothing redeeming at all about this site. Telling someone that you read World Star is the equivalent of telling them that you read Barely Legal. There's nothing wrong with it but it's nothing that anyone other than you or your computer should know about.
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